Thanks @Kaimu for the insights. That is a somewhat good assessment of my "cycles". Which has pushed my mental game into the proverbial corner. From there its a slippery slope into revenge , over sizing & fighting trends while blindly in a tilt mindset. Another reason I try to stay with micros so I can sit comfortably & manage the trades. As I get lost in the greed of quick full mini profits. I'd say half of my blowups are from consciously or unconsciously using NQ mini's.

Money is great I accept which ever way it flows, begrudgingly at times. At this point my biggest goal - mental hurdle is making all the time spent count towards something positive. I did wait an extra day to finish this thought. I re-listened to a old alpha mind podcast in regards to the deeper connections to money, yes without getting into all the details you're on point. So now Ill work on changing that mentality.
Just writing off the top of my head, I see trading as a competitive skill to grow & learn from. To be rewarded when I'm disciplined & focused to take the high risk opportunities. I say high risk because its NQ/MNQ and I'm a short time frame trader 5min trade is rare for me to collect 3-20+ pts. My previously stated logic for it is less exposure/time waiting. Also a product or bad habit of being a prop trader & constantly protecting profits.

Was my best week in a long time. Trading 3 accounts no copier. My MAE/MFE could be improved if I waited more.

Welp not gonna lie its been ugly this past year. Primarily using NT & one of the every 5 min promo companies. My focus is still MNQ; however with random sales of course my trading would turn into the yolo express. I'd say I was on a every other month funded situation with self sabotage crushing my hopes on most days. I went from being a DCA overlord to pondering the rule changes & just funding my own account again. Anyways there has been some recent light at the end of this tunnel. As I am waiting on my first payout request review. However I suspect there could be 3 or 4 violations on my tiny 25k account I've managed to keep alive for 15 days. I believe tying my old PA record back when the old rules were 20+ days before request.

On top of that I'm waiting for FTT & tradovate/NT to get their shit together to start that party. A few days into a 50k pro TPT, eager to see the perks from both companies. As I keep hearing great things with no shenanigans. Time will tell.

I am also a Topstep eval customer again for the first time in years. I like parts of their platform, however their software / brackets compared to what Ive been used to,are pretty much garbage. I probably need to practice more with it. But using my same bracket targets with a trail etc, performance is not matching other platforms.

Ultimately my new old dead horse is to avoid shorting unless its painfully obvious flushing. Mainly start a long micro at certain support level when basing occurs & then if I'm confident with price action but my entry is too early I'll add single mini. Now I know this is retarded. So I do my absolute best to avoid this & just let the micros build my confidence instead of gambling with mini's. So far my self control has been winning.

So back to my voodoo errr rules. I'm currently breaking 3 & inadvertently starting a new trend dammit!
Look thru my old posts.
#1 avoid trading in August, 16 days in lets go! Currently I'm not looking that far left. Market breaks will happen but I can't get caught up on past mistakes
#2 Don't talk about day trading to family/friends ie non-traders. I try to keep it to once or twice a month but experiences good or bad get shared from time to time.
#3 Superstitious about posting anything here or xyz on my 3rd eye guru chat $999 private membership(kidding)  before perceived successful progress.

Yes I may over think things, that's why when I trade I try to look left for my brief time frame of availability & then flow with the trend. Also getting better at listening to my gut.
oh and its my 2nd election cycle!