Sabotage

I call this document sabotage because I think in order to face our psychological blocks we must call them for exactly what they are. A spade for a spade. Don’t sugar coat it Or dance around the subject. Just lay it on the line.
Sabotage is a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption, or destruction.
Pretty heavy stuff. Why in the world would anybody want to Sabotage their own work?
Something must be seriously off !
To say the least, there is something off.
First, let me explain what typically transpires in my trading Journey.
I practice and study diligently, to the point where I can run charts in my head and see myself taking my trades that are part of my written trading plan. I am in the Zone Baby! Everything I see or do relates to trading charts or trading Jargon or trading psychology. I guess you could say I am defined by my diligent study.
I start taking live trades and do well for a couple of weeks and then Whammo! Sabotage!!
It all goes to hell in a handbasket. The question is Why? The answer I think may surprise you.
I do not think I am Worthy. What a crazy reason huh?
You see I get great pleasure from physical labor. And when I get paid for that labor the pleasure principle just doubles.
When I trade I do not see the profit in the same manner. I am bored, bored and more bored. Finally something pops up that fits my plan. I take it, and generally it will pay. If my account is up over the last couple of days I will generally take a riskier trade in an effort to liven things up. Eventually the profits tic away and I start over.
There is another phase to this dilemma. It may all make sense after I explain Phase 2.
You see for the last 13 years I have been defined by my HVAC Business. How in the world do I walk away from that.? Who am I going to be on the day I sell this biz? What am I going to do with my free time?
So the question is Why? Why in the world am I trading? What is my motivating factor? Believe it or not, the motivating factor is not money. I have enough money to buy the things I need. Sure there are things I want, but I do not need them?
The most logical answer I can come up with why I trade is, I like the odds. I want to be one of those few people who can do this crazy life style. I like the challenge of mastering my mind.
And since I think mastering one's mind is a lifetime process, I will be sitting in front of a chart every chance I get. Hence the reason I purchased lifetime rights to my Ninja software and set my email as [email protected]
What encourages me is I have recognized a psychological block. I defined it and the best part is I did it before I gave back all the money I earned over the past 2 months.
Bottom line is, I am scared of this new identity, this new person I am on the verge of becoming. What am I going to discover?