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Have you done any trading on sim or done any backtesting of your strategy?
...if not.. then that would be a very good way to start of before doing any more live trading...
Here is a good video if you have an edge and want to get moving forward :
Automate your strategy to remove emotions and human mistakes. Test it in different markets : ranging, uptrend, downtrend. Adjust all. Then start in Sim and observe for sometime. Then start again in live.
You should be a professional with a lot of hours of trading and accounts destroyed in your back to win money in this bussines.
Remember that most of the retail traders lose money. You are not an exception. Leave the Robot work for you.
If you have no edge or don't know from where your edge is coming from -you should not be trading. You should be spending your capital researching/working on developing an edge, and then on saving to "fund" a trading account... btw: even if you have an edge (several edges actually) to make trading worthwhile, you need seizable trading account; otherwise, this is a losing preposition.
Yes, yes, we all read that Bruce Kovner borrowed $3,000 on his MasterCard back 1977, and today he is worth 5 billions, but the likelihood of repeating that must be 1 in 7 billions per decade... buying a winning lotto ticket is more probable like 1 in 15 million.
I suggest that you move (back?) to demo mode until you have established a repeatable edge. Sounds like you are the victim of hopeium the same stuff that many of us have overdosed on.
It is good that you are bleeding slowly (MES instead of ES) but I am not sure if you are following a trading plan that produces positive results. Getting "Lucky"is one of the worst things that can happen for it offers a double portion of hopeium and encourages you to trade out side the lines of the Proven Trading Plan. Do you have one, written or thought out? Write it out so that you can reference it clearly and modify it as market conditions change.
Save you capital until you have a good reason to believe in your plan, (repeated success in demo mode).
I am sure that others will chime in with sage advice but that should be a good start.
Hang in there man, it does get better if you put the time in!
I'm sorry you feel the way you do. A few things though. Your edge will only work when you have a good risk management (RM) model and you stick with it. With a disciplined obedience to your RM you could trade a system that has a lower win rate and still be profitable. Accuracy in market prediction is hardly an edge. You just need to be sure that you consistently make more money when you're right than you lose when you're wrong.
The ultimate question, I guess, is do you think you have the discipline to follow a trading system or not. If yes, hang in there, and look for a mentor. If no, you could try algorithmic trading and not be a discretionary trader. If none of those two work, maybe you should let trading go and pursue another career where decision making won't be your responsibility.
I don't know for sure how long you have been trading but if your trying to learn to trade with real money no mater your account size, don't do it. You MUST first trade a Sim account and have patience. Also I found that trading with one contract is difficult to make money. Good luck.
Let me help you out. If you're just trading direction(long/short), you have no edge. Its statically proven. If on the other hand you're trading options, a small edge could be had, maybe(60-40), but good luck managing that tight spread. Market conditions/volatility etc can skew that with ease. You need truck loads of cash to make it feasible.