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Having journaled for so long, I have become addicted to expressing my thoughts online. It is cleansing, clairvoyant, thought-provoking, a vehicle for expanding understanding.
I am no longer interested in talking about a specific trade. Or even, trading-specific issues. But there are many things in our minds that enter our trading but have no boundaries, and focusing on those things can have exponential benefits. The most shifting experience of my life has been the pursuit of trading for a living. This is a place for those types of thoughts.
I have also found a group of similarly-minded traders by posting for so long, and I would miss the interaction with them if I were to quit posting altogether. I have learned from many, shared with many, grown attached even to some. I am wanting a place to continue that open conversation, dare I refer to it as trader intimacy.
I have also met a very few traders who have completely blown out of the water what I believed was possible, from what I can guess as purely odds of acquaintance x number of posts x depth of reality. Like chumming for sharks, if you put out the scent they will eventually find the bait. Let this be a trail of fresh blood...
So, I am starting this new thread, completely fresh and detached from anything resembling a journal, but still in an environment where I hope to attract traders, share thoughts, struggles, observations and epiphanies. Appreciate each other as the rare individuals that we are.
So I'll start with, "Hi my name is Gary, and I am a Trader."
While that sounds like the opening of a ______ Anonymous meeting, there is a very distinct difference. It has taken me a long time, but today I say it with pride and acceptance. I have been to the edge of insanity and back to clarity. To the point of destruction and back to truly living.
Thanks to all of those who have shared the journey. I would not have made it without you.
Now, let the party begin!
Can you help answer these questions from other members on NexusFi?
I noticed my other two threads were also tagged "insanity". I would think something had gone wrong with me if they weren't, but this one was very fast. Must have a reputation already.
My trades lately have been from the mindset of being like a surgeon, as a friend advised me recently. make your cuts, leave the operating suite.
I bought crude Tuesday and today, tried calling them in the chatbox since I had not done that yet, but the thrill is already lukewarm for that.
Knowing what I want to see happen has been the most elusive part of trading, as we learn new things, then go about referring to those references as our trading progresses, never really knowing if those are the right things to watch, whether the signals are being interpreted correctly, etc. As a self-taught trader, there are millions of combinations of things we could choose to put together our personal way of approaching the market, like trying to crack the most secure code in the world.
I have found a place that feels right for me. I know without a doubt that even if something does not work this time, it works most times, not because it is a pretty indicator, or I read it, or I backtested it. I have lived it long enough. And as that realization continues to solidify I find myself very calm, knowing for sure when I will get into a trade. I did one for fun yesterday in chat, and typed "shhhh", as that was the whisper part. I get very quiet and still and focused in the few minutes or seconds before an entry. But when I am in, I know that I did everything I know to do. I know that I have seen this type of trade play out hundreds of times before. I know if I am wrong, it was still a very good trade.
And, I am trading a few of the 6s now. Currently short the 6J, sold the 6A on Sunday night, covered at end of NY session. Watching 6S tonight. may sell CL in the London session. Winding down my other work.
Edit: 2nd TGT hit in 6J. Very cool to have something to trade in the evening.
I started trading from a very vulnerable psychological position. That caused me to focus on making money over taking care of myself and enjoying life. My move to where I am today included dropping an outer shell that was not allowed to fail, finding humor in as many things as I could, finding respect for myself and who I am today.
I went through times where nothing mattered except for learning to trade. When the outcome of my trading had an enormous effect on my feeling of self-worth at the end of the day, or of the week. Where I would completely exhaust myself to watch the market. My happiness, my health, did not come into consideration in my "core" motivation (the one that exists behind the scenes).
I did not trade to take care of myself, I traded at the expense of myself, with profits being the greater goal.
It took a lot of self-study to see that. It is a characteristic that many have and never get beyond.
I have always known that true change requires a catalyst, but have always thought of that in terms of something sudden and forceful. This particular catalyst was slow and timid and needed to be nurtured. Another reason for my joking about whispering. Soft motions, careful awareness.
I have added three markets to my mix, but only trade them at night, and use a completely different trading style to do it. I am leaning towards adding Forex to my data, but for now trading the Australian Dollar (6A), the Japanese Yen (6J) and the Swiss Franc (6S). I just started that side venture this week, but beginner's luck has me currently at 3 wins 0 losses, with one trade in each currency.
It is not for the money, it is another move to see the markets in a different way. I met another trader who has been very helpful in giving me a quick understanding of how currencies work, and the newness of it all feels beneficial as an overall shift in interpretation of movement.
I changed the colors, the indicators, went to a black background. The whole thing is very technicolor. I added a 4th dedicated monitor so I can watch each new market on it's own screen while not losing my awareness of crude oil. I do like having options, that is something I had abandoned. I also enjoy being able to be choosy.
Tonight I traded the Yen again, decided to pass on crude. But watching now for a 5WM completion around 109.75-110. I would prefer to short that, contingent on what happens at that moment, than trade tonight in what could be it's final approach.
I read an interesting article in Zero Hedge about how crude could move higher for reasons related to a different view of demand/supply. If that is correct, the minimum W5 target could be nothing more than a moment in time.
I bought crude today in the afternoon pullback, then got bored with it and took a shower instead. It did move higher into the close, but I had endured enough screen time for the day and had little patience for consolidation. As my read of the open improves I find myself becoming addicted to fast directional moves, exit at a reasonable target, and find something else to do. "Operating Suite" mentality is taking over without my prompting. I have probably watched screens for more hours combined than I have had sex, and that is just sad. Trading should be more like a quickie, then on to something else. But it seems to have some seductive quality that one can stare at it for hours and not get bored.
"To avoid whipsaw losses, stop trading." - Ed Seykota
I bought CL today around what appeared to be the bottom, was up around 80+ ticks (on the day, not that trade), it pulled back, I added, then came back and tested the low for the 3rd time.... I was flat at +20 something...
But, my reason for going long still existed, I had been "washed out", and gave one more shot once it pulled back into ETH value, bought 106.75, full exit 107.26.
Great week, going to be an incredible year. Mostly because I bought a new lock for my mountain bike so I can ride it to the gym.
Ohhh, big aha moment in futures.io (formerly BMT). The "tags" came from things I said. I never paid much attention until now. So, my tags of insanity are self-inflicted? Hmmm. Something to think about. It does accurately describe a part of the trading psychology mix. If most traders lose money, but most still think they will win, doesn't even the start of a trading venture include some degree of it?
From an online dictionary
in·sane
adj.
1.
a. Of, exhibiting, or afflicted with insanity.
b. Characteristic of or associated with persons afflicted with insanity: an insane laugh; insane babbling.
c. Intended for use by such persons: an insane asylum.
2. Immoderate; wild: insane jealousy.
3. Very foolish; absurd: took insane risks behind the wheel.
#3 sounds like an accurate description of the risks many of us take in trading, or in the belief that we can become one.
Latin "insanus" : in-, not + sanus, sane, healthy.
Not healthy. Speaking of which, I have a bike to ride.
I never do "load the boat" on a trade. I should sometimes, but I have taught myself, right or wrong, that if I treat every trade the same I will have a better survival rate. That comes from having certain expectancies, and those change over time.
As I become more and more confident in what I am seeing and the likelihood of a certain outcome, there will be a time soon when I might. I did some practice on adding in recently, but that is not the same RR. The correct time to add is in the beginning.
I have seen that my understanding and expectation confidence has grown exponentially this year, but not to where I feel it is time to re-write my own rules. But, one thing remains constant; that I am a better trader than I was.