My name is Miguel and my journey in the Futures trading has come to a violent end, so let me share it with You at least for me to put everything out and maybe who knows in the future get back to this post and see everything in perspective.
Please forgive my English since I am not a native speaker.
I started trading in the SIM in October and after 3 months with a positive P/L ( started with 10k USD and ended with roughly 18 K) decided to open a live account with dorman trading using ninjatrader brokerage services.
In January 1st my account was 10K, by the end of the month was 3 K. my strategy was to only get in trades where the 10 day EMA crossed the 30 USD going short or long according to the market. Only traded 1 contract with a stop loss of 8 tivks and a profit target of 12 ticks for the CL/NG/GC, for the NQ and ES was 5 points stop and 10 points target.
Needless to say I got stopped out lots of times due to volatility and end up frustrated since in the 1st week alone saw my account reduced to 8,7K, which I also attribute to overtrading-averaged more than 15 trades per day.
When my balance steadly reached the 3k I decided to take a suicidal overleverage approach and started trading 3 and 4 contracts untill I reached 10 k again in one week ( 1st week of February).
After analyzing my performance decided to focus on the most profitable markets for me which was nasdaq ( NQ ) and oil (CL).
Steadily I reduced my risk and went back to 2 contracts at increased my position as my balance grow.
Entered 3rd week of Feb with 16 K and trading mostly NQ with 4 contracts at time. Was mainly a scalping strategy: usually no more than 45minutes/1 hour averaging 20 ticks of profit and 10 ticks of stop.
Until one day I let a loser run too far and lost 6 K, so my account was back to 10K. Made a plan to never do that again and over a week I made back 7 K and was happy with myself for sticking to the rules and return to a positive path.
On Feb 27 my account was 20 K ( my goal for the month was 20K) so I reached my mental target for the month one day earlier.
The collapse
On Feb 28 decided to go again to get some 2 or 3k out of the nasdaq again ( GREEDY) and should have closed the position when I was 1K green and seeing the market undecided which way to go.
Needless to say market started to fall ( I was long) and I averaged down ( something I have never done before) and a small loss of 1,5K become a 10 K loss so basically wiping half of my balance.
The markets closed and I was so furious and out of my mind that decided to open a 14 lot ( yes FOURTEEN FOR A 10 K ACCOUNT) and leave it open at the asian session ( I am in Europe) so I went to bed praying that the outcome would be positive...
Needless to say I woke up in the morning and my 10 K account was reduced to 1,5K after a margin call at 3:30 am.
Next day was furious again and made stupid entries with 2 lots so ended the day with 140 USD blowing my account and my self-esteem.
I am 35 Years old, married, 14 month baby son. I cried that day not ashamed to admit. Been feeling terrible and cannot understand yet what happened to get so out of control letting a 20 K account get wiped in 8 hours.
What shocks me is knowing that I was right 75% of the times and probably that killed my trading because I could not accept a small loss.
I know if I get back I will make money but will lose it again in one stupid day, trade, humour, so what saddens me is knowing that as good as a trader I know I can be there is always this shadow hanging over me that can destroy everything in a blink of an eye -my weak resistance to loss.
If I had lost the initial 10K by the end of January I would not feel so bad: tuition fee, rookie mistakes, etc.
But after making it as far as 20 K it hurts because it meant 2 months of anxiety, dedication and commitment went down the drain.
The questions
Why I averaged down?
Why I dint went to bed with no positions opened since I never done it before?
Still no answer to those and guess will take me a lot of time …