Keltner Channels Scratch Paper and Raw Thoughts as They Occur:
As before:
ema=p * (1/3) + pema * (2/3)
Additionally:
KC(upper band) = EMA + (ATR * KF)
C=KF,ku=KC(upper band) 
ku = ema + atr.C
ATR = max(high, close(previous)) - min (low, close(previous))
FOUR DIFFERENT SCENARIOS:
atr=high-low where high>low, atr=high-pc, where high>pc, atr=pc-low, where pc>high, atr=pc-pc
ELIMINATE LAST POSSIBILITY:
atr=high-low where high>low, atr=high-pc, where high>pc, atr=pc-low, where pc>high
CONSIDERING FIRST SCENARIO:
ema=p * (1/3) + pema * (2/3)
ku = ema + atr.C
atr=high-low where high>low
high is always > low:
atr=high-low
SUBSTITUTION:
ku = ema + (high-low)C
SUBSTITUTION:
ku = p * (1/3) + pema * (2/3) + (high-low)C
LETTING ku=p:
p=p * (1/3) + pema * (2/3) + (high-low)C
TIMES 3
3p=p+2pema+3C(high-low)
MINUS p:
2p=2pema+3C(high-low)
DIVIDE BY 2:
p=pema+1.5*KF*(high-low), where low<=pc

AFTER DOING STUFF IN MY HEAD:

priceOfBandIntersection = previousEMA +/- (1.5 * KF * ("largest of the: current high - current low, absolute value of the current high - previous close, or absolute value of the current low minus previous close"))