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Thanks for posting. Yes, I have struggled with this for years. Its a never ending mental battle.
You want to have the best mental attitude for trading and be a successful trader. You want to be positive in general and be happy in your overall life. So, what is the solution?
I'll tell you what has worked for me. In the name of discretionary trading, I was conflating lack of an edge with psychology. Psychology is important, but it cannot substitute for lack of an edge. No amount of psychological improvement can change a math equation.
I was fooling myself for years that I have edge. Once, I realized this, I started to spend my time in finding provable edges. It is not easy. Markets are dynamic and edges are constantly fleeting. But, that is the nature of the game.
So, focus on finding provable advantages in markets first. Then, work on your psychology. Things will then fall into place.
There's a delicate balance and fine line between being absolutely confident in your abilities and being so confident that it turns to stubbornness. Yes, you must be 100% confident, but be confident in your ability to be resilient when you lose, your ability to wait, your ability to pull the trigger with resolution, your ability to walk away when you're underperforming, and your ability to make money in the long run.
You have NO control over how much money you make in a trade. You only control one thing in trading, and that's the magnitude of your losses. You have absolute control over that (not accounting for black swan events which are out of your control). Nothing else. Really think about that, and it should make you never even think "I'm going to make xyz today" again.
Thank you so much for your comments. You are right regarding what Thembones said which was insightful. I guess I never really thought about it before.
The family motto was always: "rules were made to be broken". I grew up thinking that way but I soon learned that attitude is exhausting to maintain and I actually do try my best to follow rules BUT there is a little voice that pops up and says... "except when bending the rule doesn't hurt anyone".
The fact is dismissing my rules or bending my rules is causing me a lot of harm and preventing me from achieving my trading goals.
I have a lot of personal work to do and thank you for great suggestions and insights.
Sometimes you can't always be as objective with yourself.
************************************************** Challenge:First, try after a losing trade, to NOT take the next one until you've a figured out the modification needs to be, and test it. It could be a new rule (I call these items that affect your cash) or a distinction (nice things to know that make the set-up better). Then go to the next trade in SIM.
Most can't STOP and continue to trade and lose. BUT this is an exercise in Discipline.
Solution: Journaling ALL these Rules and Distinctions during the day is a 2nd recommendation. REREAD The daily list before each trading day. As the mind will not retain information unless repeated 7x in the memory.
So, just doing these few things will IMPROVE your trading DRASTICALLY!!! not just a little. Doing this also helps to hone in on your "edge."
PLUS this will give your mind a break from emotions in the process.
Good Trading!
Basically, an edge is a clearly defined (without ambiguity) and repeatable idea/trade that generates a positive expectancy over a period of time (within the confines of drawdown parameters). It is based on past data as nobody can predict the future.
I have attached an example of what an edge return might look like (this is one Option trade per day).