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This journal will not be like most journals here. I have no plans to post screenshots of trades or to discuss the specifics of why I placed them. I'm much more interested in the psychological realm of trading.
ABOUT ME: I wanted to trade for a living before I ever got my first job. Studied profusely for over a year. Then I got a job, and that was probably the worst mistake of my life. Anyway, it ain't over until I say it's over. 2025 will be the year of my comeback. I can feel it. The universe owes me.
Because this is my first post in the journal, I'll just copy my handwritten journal in one post. And then post updates as things move along.
Nov 18, 2024
Premarket mood: First day of work. No sleep, but I'm working on getting back to a daytime schedule.
New TopStep eval, $49/mo. $50k. TWO CONTRACTS MAX, micros (spoiler alert, I broke this rule rather quickly).
Mental state: Not ideal due to lack of sleep. BE. CAREFUL.
A little impatient off the bat. Trading choppy open, but at least not taking huge risks.
No grave mistakes, except for lack of sleep.
Nov 19, 2024
Premarket mood: 4 hours of sleep, caffeine pill, easing into the day. Not in a hurry to trade, but will definitely watch the first two hours of open.
Going back to sleep due to lack of focus and enthusiasm.
Slept a long time, so obviously to skip trading for today was the right choice.
Nov 20, 2024
Premarket mood: Sleep still not on schedule, but making progress. (I currently set my alarm for two hours before NY open, Sunday through Saturday).
A little risky, but ended day up. So gonna live for another day.
Sloppy performance overall. But I'm still learning.
Nov 21, 2024
Premarket mood: Sleep schedule work-in-progress, but overall OK. Not eager to trade, will see how open develops.
Took some risks a little too big for comfort. Got lucky. DON'T make a habit of it!!!
War headlines, volatility. But still, felt myself slipping and bracing for a runaway loss.
Moved stop while in trade.
Nov 22, 2024
Premarket mood: Don't really feel like trading. Still plan to watch market.
Took a few small trades premarket. FOLLOW THE PLAN! (My plan focuses on trading the NY open, first 2.5 hours or so).
Disaster avoided, but don't make a habit of this.
Nov 25, 2024
Premarket mood: Relatively neutral. Not in a hurry to place trades. Will see how market unfolds. Holiday week, slower activity expected.
Nov 26, 2024
Premarket mood: Was sleepy, but then took shower which woke me up. In a wait-and-see mood. If I see a setup, I might take it. Not itching to trade, though.
Nov 27, 2024
Premarket mood: Irritable, don't feel like trading. Still will likely watch market and YouTube streams.
Dec 2, 2024
Premarket mood: Less than ideal. Only 5 hours of sleep. Will proceed with caution.
Traded before market open, which was a mistake. Traded afternoon session, but that was probably a bad idea because I was tired.
Dec 3, 2024
Premarket mood: Too tired. Taking the day off.
Dec 4, 2024
Premarket mood: Neutral, OK. Will see how the open develops. Plan is to trade today.
Dec 5, 2024
Premarket mood: Slept in.
Trying the afternoon session. Keeping size small.
Jumped into a trade right away.
Took MASSIVE risks, not following risk management plan.
Disaster trading day.
This is what happens when you don't get sleep.
Refused to take small loss, dug a huge hole for myself.
Felt rushed to pass TopStep's evaluation, and acted on it.
Dec 6, 2024
Premarket mood: Sleep? Check. Neutral mood. Generally good, especially considering yesterday's disaster, lol.
SIZE DOWN!
No grave mistakes. Clawed back half of yesterday's loss.
Dec 9, 2024
Premarket mood: Waking up, not very crisp. Taking second caffeine pill. Will play it by ear. Willing to trade, but not itching to.
You f**ked up. Daily loss limit reached. Might as well have been an account blowout.
4-hour chart is king.
Shoot for the fences? Strike out. Using too much leverage is how big losses happen.
On the plus side, rather neutral emotional reaction. Not discouraged at all.
Dec 10, 2024
Premarket mood: Slept in, didn't trade. Was short on sleep yesterday, apparently.
Had one YOLO trade on in gold. Got lucky. Will try to reach $3k profit target soon.
Dec 11, 2024
Premarket mood: 5 or 6 hours of sleep. Feeling OK. Already have gold trade on from yesterday. Will trade NQ if setups occur.
Took some big risks, gave back some profits, but avoided disaster.
Ran account up to $2,900 in profit today, almost reaching the $3k required to pass $50k evaluation.
Dec 12, 2024
Premarket mood: Slept in. No trades.
Lost $1k on gold, overnight. Unlikely to reach $3k before 18th (30-day account renewal). So getting ready for a break.
Dec 13, 2024
Premarket mood: Little sleep. Started new Apex $50k account. So far, so good.
Locked in $33.40/mo. for one $50k eval (one of Apex's 80% off sales).
Dec 16, 2024 ROLLOVER WEEK
Premarket mood: Slept in, skipped day.
Believe in yourself
Dec 17, 2024 Disappointed with myself, despite winning day...
Premarket mood: Up since last night. May experiment with taking up as early as 3am.
Feeling neutral, good. Will study while waiting for market to open.
Took HUGE risks, was down over $1k at one point. Finished day +$400, but this is NOT the way to trade.
Trying to rush through eval account.
Too many contracts (10 micros) traded, risked a blowout.
Dec 18, 2024
Premarket mood: Made small amount during London session. No plans to trade today due to lack of sleep.
The markets will ALWAYS be there.
Dec 19, 2024
Premarket mood: Too tired and groggy to trade. Made some $ in extended trading hours, so definitely not looking to give back profits.
Placed HUGE trade in extended hours (breaking my rule to only trade NY open). Gambling, not trading. What are you doing... Can't sleep without dreams of getting stopped out (lol, I literally had dreams, multiple dreams, of being stopped out of my trade, and yes that actually happened later in the night).
You're literally risking the whole account on one trade, fighting the trend...
Dec 20, 2024
Blew out eval account. Taking 3 weeks off, forced.
For now, study and trade in SIM.
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
One positive thing to say is that I'm less and less negatively affected by big losses. It's a setback, not the end.
Premarket mood: Brushing off the dust and going at it again. SIM trade until Jan 13, 2025!
SUMMARY OF FINDINGS, Nov 18 to Dec 20:
Trade ONLY the NY session, first 2.5 hours. If you're absolutely itching to click buttons, switch to SIM and trade CL or GC. Why? That's when there's most volume, and most reliable price action.
Sleep is CRITICAL. No explanation needed.
Believe in yourself. Never give up. Keep trying until you make it, or until you die.
Do NOT fight 4-hr trend. This has been the source of your biggest losses.
Do NOT over-leverage. Risking half of your account is NOT trading, it's mindless gambling. Read this over and over until it sticks.
Don't move stop while in a trade. This has been another problem area, death by a hundred papercuts.
Do NOT immediately reenter a trade after stopped out. This is effectively moving your stop, with an extra step. 5-minute MINIMUM psychological cooldown period. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY!
Do NOT rush to pass eval. One bad day wipes out several days of solid trading.
I will be primarily focusing on keeping track of mistakes, from now on. Wins are nice, but there's not much to learn from them.
The purpose of the prop account is to have a stepping stone between SIM and live account. NO RESETS ALLOWED, so if I blow an account I have to wait until the next month's renewal. This delays getting a funded account, which ultimately costs more than a simple reset. And the purpose of that is to kind of act like a probation period, during which I have to think about what I did wrong.
Took a few smell trades premarket, but still within my strategy because there was scheduled news @ 8:30 AM EST, which brought in volume.
Starting to get tired, so gonna call it a day and just study until I pass out.
These are today's results. SIM account, $2,500 starting balance to replicate Apex's $50k max allowed loss.
I respectfully disagree: I think there’s typically a great deal to be learned from them, that the overwhelming majority of retail traders habitually overlook.
People typically examine losers in some detail, on the often-mistaken assumption that the way forward is to try to avoid them and increase the win-rate. Increasing the magnitude of the winners is often a better way, really.
Good luck with your funding evaluation (and Journal)!
This started out as a completely private journal, so the remark "Wins are nice, but there's not much to learn from them." was just for me.
I'm sure studying wins can be valuable to many people. That's how I started to learn what to aspire to in my own trading. But at this point in my trading journey, I get much, much more from acknowledging mistakes/losses.
When I have a good day, the only thing that really happens is that I feel good about it and relax for the most part. But if I have a bad day, even if it's a net win overall, I spend time replaying in my head what I did wrong, and look for ways to decrease the chances of repeating the mistakes in the future. My most educational days tend to be the ones on which I lose, bigly--shoutout to the president-elect.
After having a losing day, my process is quite simple. First, I let myself feel all the negative emotions. In fact, I exaggerate them as much as I can, just to expedite the processing of them and to "get it out of my system." Then, after all the drama is done, I shrug and play in my head AC/DC's song It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll). The next day, I come back at least a little bit more battle-hardened than before.
Premarket mood: Up since 11 last night. So not sleep-deprived, but still not optimal performance window. Looking to trade, but won't force anything. Kinda bored, should probably be careful today, especially to not overtrade.
Moved stops, multiple times. Took some risks because of that, but got lucky.
Change of plans. Got a $50k TopStep account. Too many horror stories about Apex not paying out. And trading SIM just doesn't quite feel like I'm getting somewhere.
Premarket mood: Up since 8 pm. Not tired. Today is a half day, so not sure if I'll trade. Will only trade if there's enough volume and range soon after open. Will post a P&L graph later if I end up trading.
Placed trade before open, but only risked 10% of account. Max DD was around $50, but closed out over +$100. Just "breaking in" a new eval account. Don't plan to trade more today. Christmas, and so on.
Placing smallish trades during middle of London session. Strictly speaking, not within my plan to trade NY open. But volume is mildly up, probably from a backlog of trades due to Christmas close.
Increased risk (added to winner). Max DD was about -$400, during news spike at 8:30 EST and during open.
TopStep eval. $700/$3000, so far so good.
Probably leaving some profits on table because it looks like NQ has room to move up. Oh well, slow and steady wins this race.
Took some risks a little too big for comfort. Got lucky. DON'T make a habit of it!!!
