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Jeez man, I just can't even imagine... thank you for sharing, and I'm really glad to see that you have been able to persevere. A true testament to the double edged nature of this business.
So many think about success in the markets as a destination, but I think one of the prerequisites is the knowledge that learning to trade is an ever-evolving process. Obviously some things had to change in order for you to continue. I'd be very interested to hear about your path from there to where you are currently; what you discovered along the way, the struggles you've had, and how you went about implementing the changes effectively to overcome them.
Too bad the show didn't fly, I'm old school too and still love to fire up some VH... although the Doors' "Break On Through" comes to mind here lol. I've always enjoyed picking the brains of people who are making things happen in their lives so apologies in advance.. you're a natural target
Thanks for taking the time to read my posts. I am going to continue and do a few more chapters that led me to now.
I like that idea of "Break on through to the other side". Apt metaphor...plus I love Jim Morrison and The Doors.
After the debacle in Vegas, I regrouped and deposited another substantial sum with MB Trading. Looking back at this period, I really didn't have a reliable system nor any real understanding of market conditions. Plus, when things got volatile in pairs like the Pound/Yen (one of my favorites because of the strong moves) suddenly the spread would widen..sometimes by an additional 10 or 15 pips. This meant when I saw my momentum scalp setups appearing and I entered a trade, I would sometimes be down as much as 15 pips at entry. Pretty hard to scalp like that. I would have a few good weeks and then foolishly think I was ready to trade more lots.
What I failed to realize is that I had basically no impulse control whatsoever. I never had known this about myself until I started trading real money. I would take two or three losses in a row and then just go Full Tilt. Taking trades..instantly losing, then immediately going in the opposite direction. It was a manic frenzy. Then, to try and recoup losses,, I would double up my lot size and often lose even more. I could start at 1 lot...go to two and end up trading 10 lots in the same session. It was insane!
It's sort of embarrassing to admit that I behaved like this, but it's the truth. I didn't really know how to trade and I had no idea that I had these behavioral issues when it came to trading. I literally pissed away hard earned money at a ridiculous pace.
Here is another excerpt from a 2008 Trading journal. There are many entries almost identical to this one. It shows a tormented person...in way over their head.. but not smart enough to realize it, yet.
Just wanted to also say be proud of what you have become and know u are an inspiration to many many others including me especially if your past has been this way ...cheers
Thank you. I rarely discuss these episodes, but I felt it might be good to share them on here. Maybe it might help someone else from doing some of the crazy things I did early on.
Ahhhh, 2008 what a year that was.... doubled my account one day..... margin called the next. LOL!! Nothing like 400:1 leverage and no experience.... Wild Wild West comes to mind for me.
Yes, please continue.... I think most of us have had ups and downs, euphoria and depression....Thanks for putting it out there. I enjoy reading your posts and watching your videos...