I almost blew up my account again.
1. I had quite a bit of work today, finished most of them in the morning and watched how bund melt down. I had some ideas how to trade them but I had some problems with sierra charts freezing so I missed the second leg. Found a solution to it but it annoyed me quite a bit
2. Left to do some more work
3. I stopped by my office to try to fix the problem sierra chart freezing once for all, saw something in the dax. Went short on the micros but I added full margin on a point where I thought I was wrong. Started moving my stop...
4. Decided it was enough, I set an reasonable stop if that flag fails->thought that maybe it was good that lost the last bit of money.
5. Came back after finishing and wanted to see what will happen 15:30-17:00. After the US existing home sales it hit my target at 14400.

9 ticks of profit today... Absolutely horrible trading.

If there is anything positive, atleast I don't need to add any money to my account. We are still talking about drawdowns that are miniscule compared to the previous ones. I really need to focus on my discipline. The trade setup is not that convicted anyway and I had way too much going on the whole day. I feel like the impulsivity is getting worse gradually.

21/11/2022 16.16 Saudis apparently wanted to boost oil production

21/11/2022 16:42 Long DGZ -8 ticks

News rotation trade. Over the weekend I figured out that WH SelfInvest is an viable alternative to Amp Global. Also apparently it should work with sierra charts. I just can't figure out why I missed that broker, I spent the last 2 years fighting with Amps MT5. So I opened an account at WH and So I needed to train on sierra chart sim and got a great IB low trade going on. I used to have a rule that if I trade sim, do not trade that day. I start feeling the missed sim trades in my gut.

-Way too large stop. I did not move it at all but thought that this was sure to rebound...
-Did not wait for a pattern to emerge
-way too slow initial movement for a news trade
-Traded sim beforehand

21/11/2022 17:13 Short DGZ +9 ticks

While I was in the previous trade, I figured out that this situation was "went too far". I went short at a pretty bad price. I could have waited for bunds 140.60 to come in to play by watching orderflow better. Held it until the saudi denial came in but had to cut it off as the whole trade after the denial was really slow and I figured that if the denial came and no massive liquidation happened so the move must be over. Obviously the US holiday week must have its effect on the market. I set the stop at above us session IB midpoint. I tried on sierra chart sim to "add to my winner" by going short bund at a orderflow moment.

+Saw the "WTF"event correctly
-Could have reversed the previous trade at way better prices when I realized what was going on
-/+Current market conditions (US holidays, Note auctions) might make the "WTF" trade last until the next day
-Did not watch orderflow, could have waited for better prices

Overall day could have been way better if I just watched orderflow better, kept my head straight and had the option to add to winners.

Image

Update:
December 2022: I took a break because I had reached a point where I could not lose any more money and I to figure out why I was always in either in a state where I was always seeking new things while in a trade (bad) or in a state where I was extremely focused and on point. I knew I had my rules and I had my plans but I could not commit to them fully.
January 2022: I go to therapy, the therapist suggests I have ADHD + some autistic traits.
March 2023: Get my diagnosis from a specialist in the field. Over here it isn't exactly easy to get that diagnosis and I had to work hard and spend a quite a bit of money on it.

I've been on meds for a month and it is extremely clear that my ADHD behavior was causing me trouble trading futures
- It is easy to cut off losers because I have way better working memory to remember where I am wrong
- I don't start to think of new reasons why a trade might be wrong, I got my base idea and I stick to it.
- Writing my notes on plays is easier. While starting to write them might have not gotten easier but I if I start I finish them. Come to think of it while writing this I haven't changed tabs to do something else. Constant focus on what I want to write and say to you guys. Reading my past memos is extremely painful as they are extremely disorganized.
- Makes me relaxed while doing stuff.

While the meds help quite a bit, they are not like a switch that triggers some super brain activation. I need to work quite a bit on some other stuff first to take full advantage of them.

I'm really glad I started to trade futures as I would have never figured this out. I now need to rethink everything related to futures. It might take me much longer now to start going live again than I anticipated.

Obviously not recommending for neurotypicals to use the stuff what I was prescribed, effects are completely different.

(Fyi: Not gonna talk about meds anymore if I continue updating this journal.)