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Emotions caused by trading (elation, despair, etc.) can creep into your personal life, even if you are not conscious of it. We have two traders in my house... so imagine that. You have to learn to compartmentalize and set trading aside when you are not doing it. It can creep into your life and your family will feel it. Like stated at the very beginning of this thread.... you have to treat it like a business. COVID has changed the rules and life and work boundaries are blurred, but we have to have a short memory and leave the work at work.
I will relay a quote from Laurent Bernut that fits (paraphrased): "When good traders have a good trade, they feel great. When great traders have a good trade, they feel nothing." (source: Episode 177 Superior returns from superior risk management-Laurent Bernut - Better System Trader. He spoke of one of his worst and best trading days of his life, which happened to be back-to-back days. His wife said she couldn't tell he had good or bad days. I recommend listening or watching this episode on YouTube. You can skip the technical analysis if that doesn't interest you, but Laurent has some sage advice scattered throughout the video, plus it is pretty funny episode.
, that is why we are here. As I say to the newcomers here, you get out of FIO what you put in. Ask questions, start a journal, answer questions, join conversations. This is a diverse community of people of all stages in their trading journey.
And on the other hand, it seems like I'm still 'only' a good trader....so apparently I need to work on my further evolution and development.
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn
You are living in a challenging situation. The economic state of workers in Ca. is very unsettling. Don't forget to BREATHE and as my 92 year old mother would say..... "Don't take things too seriously"!
Consider some of these thoughts presented here. You are probably my own adult childrens age.
The real reason we want to trade .... let's face it! It's because we want to be rewarded from our efforts in interacting with the market. We want that venue to be our money stream because we like the simplicity of working from home etc. etc.
The problem is that we want success NOW! Or at least SOON! Consistency takes a long time. Sure you can have those odd wins, but they usually are outnumbered by the losses.
So... here is my suggestion if you don't mind me sharing:
1. Keep your family life in order. You are blessed with a wife and children.
2. Just make money. You have to do it to keep your family safe and secure.
3. Purpose in your heart to be a life long student/trader.
4. Loosen your emotional belt and give yourself room to breathe.
5. Share with your wife your long range goal of being a trader.
6. Forget the notion that you will be a money making machine in the short term.
7. Plot a course and wait for your wife's emotions to grasp what you want. Don't brow beat her into understanding your desire. Just plot your course and with authority that you have as a man, husband and father, move in that direction tempered by the other points listed above.
I understand your frustration and emotions when it comes to trading. Those emotions are a result of our brains reacting to the fact that things did not go the way we really anticipated.
Make money the way you know how to and use the sim. for thousands and thousands of demo trades until you start to weed out all the poor habits that we seem to have as humans. This way you can really get to know yourself and get familiar with the market. If you are trading futures, pick just one. I only trade the Nasdaq 100. It's always moving and provides ample opportunities.
As time passes, you and your family will benefit from your diligence and vision. You never need feel apologetic for being a MAN! Men are trail blazers, explorers and even conquerors by nature. Self control will pay off if you apply it to your personal life and your trading life.
As a kid, I learned to play an instrument. Quit in high school and started back up when I was 18. I loved it. Before I became a soloist to play for 35 years as a weekend entertainer, I practiced countless hours before I ever made a dime! Trading is pretty much the same.
I hope that you find some encouragement in these comments. As my wife who also trades would say "Trading has help me rid my life of unwanted habits and emotional crap".
Thank you. I will most definitely look at this video. I shared the OPs post with my wife to read to maybe get an idea of what I've already tried to explain. She is still pushing the thought of me "not being present" which I don't fully agree. I've spent a few years priors to getting into trading training for endurance events and that took up much more of my time and I see those as being more selfish as the gain is only for me. Maybe it helps motivate my children a tad.
I guess the hardest part is maybe my wife's understanding, or lack, of what I'm doing. I find it difficult to try and explain, doesn't help that I am fairly new at this, what we are doing in trading. It's nothing tangible. She see's graphs and numbers flashing Green and Red. I like to believe I have a good grasp on my metrics and techniques. And like you mention, finding that self control, loosing the emotional belt will benefit ten fold.
On a side note, I was able to breathe easy and essentially passed my combine today. Just two more "official" trading days to throw in a quick one or two micro trades and I can move on to potentially bringing in revenue.
Maybe you can set your wife up with her own sim acct. Have her use one 2-5 minute chart or??? Show her one strategy such as Oliver Velez's "Elephant Bar" trade set up. He has 6 simple videos on it. Just a simple breakout strategy with a defined stop just below the long breakout candle. Nothing complex.
She might get hooked or at least start to see what's possible.
To us it is, yes. But I would say from the outside it isn't. What I mean is, she doesn't understand the basics of the markets. It's not like me going out, buying something for cheap and selling it to someone else for a profit. She isn't seeing an asset in hand.