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I see trading as the final form of Pay for Performance. But unlike other high earning potential careers like IB, sales, etc, the corporation does not make you pay them back for poor performance. You're paid handsomely when you're performing well, and then hop to the next firm in your down years.
Trading for your own accounts is the only career where you have to pay your employer (market) back for poor performance.
My friend, we are in the same boat in many ways. The main thing is that we have a proven ability to trade successfully but the the mental game seems to be eating our lunch. I admire your drive to succeed and all the sacrifice you have made to get your trading career launched. I hope you see that the money lost is not truly a loss if you learn the lessons the money-loss provided. Likewise with all of your dad's travails that have impacted you so profoundly. You are that further ahead in your trading career. Think about all the people who have not yet come to or gone over the mountains you have traversed. There is no way around in this business. BTW, if the mountain wasn't rough, we couldn't climb it. Consider yourself rich in the rough experiences that form the foundation of a profitable trader.
In the best selling book of all time, the Author is writing by the hand of a fellow named Paul. He writes, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (Roman 7:15 ESV - Holy Bible) Does that resonate with you? Me, too. There goes my only dog in this hunt -- to share some Good News with you. I encourage you to read the whole section.
What next? I am a training school junkie. Instead of saving my $$ like you, I have spent tons of time and $$ on trading schools and supposed gurus/mentors. What seems to be helping me the most lately is listening to one of your fellow Canadians, Etienne Crete (EC) with Desire to Trade, as he interviews various traders and other associated with our daunting endeavor. He frames his interviews with peaceful music and ambiance and has a nice style. I haven't spent a dime with him, but I have gained a lot in free advice and leads to (...wait for it...) more schools & gurus.
Somebody I met independently of EC and whom I have paid to help me is Brian McAboy, Owner of Inside Out Trading. It turns out, Brian has a good relationship with EC and says this about him:
"Etienne is one of the rising trading educators because of his sincerity, integrity, work ethic, general down-to-earth manner."
Brian McAboy, Inside Out Trading
I encourage you to consider Brian's as well as Etienne's services (free podcasts, mainly as as he is a Forex trader). Brian is a fellow engineer and his coaching is focused on formulating a trading plan and adhering to it, and his rates seem more reasonable than most. My estimation of yours and my problem is along this same line -- formulating a trading plan and adhering to it. And maybe you and I should consider taking advantage of the journaling section of nexusfi.com. https://nexusfi.com/trading-journals/
I hope you will continue to share your trials and successes as you go along this rough road of trading and I will pray for joy in your life, no matter how your trading goes.
Jeff
P.S. Thanks if you have read this far. Writing it has helped me sort a few things out.
I am also 31 and not a successful trader by all means but here are my 2 cents for what is worth:
From reading your story, I believe you have the passion and obsession to be good at other things and not just trading. I think you should reduce the amount of time on trading and open yourself to learn other skills, maybe look into finance related fields or study some quant? The markets will always be there. Try working in a office and get more exposure to more human interactions to reduce your feeling of loneliness. Along the way, I think you can pick up valuable experiences that will aid your trading skills and your emotions. I really think the trading results is a reflection of your emotions.
Also, I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself with that thought. To me, that is a really bad thought and wrong. Yes, money is important but in 'loving relationship' or 'loving family', these money issues is shared among BOTH of you and not just you ALONE. If you meet a lady who expects herself to not having to make any contributions and expects you to carry 100% of the weight, I think you should give a second thought for the relationship, unless you're really wealthy already. So, I really think you should kill that thought. Go out there to look a partner who is willing to share the burden with you and support your goal. I think you you will be a lot happier. In return, I think it will make you a happier and better trader.
Very great post sir. I am in the same boat as you. I enjoy buying training courses and getting solid education. It actually builds my confidence. I love hearing discussion about building a solid trading plan that is adaptable.
I am very proud of you for investing in your trading skills. We have alot in common.
So sorry to hear about your trouble.
Their origin is in a childhoohd, like the rest of us
Get a job, take a break
Perhaps to think about therapy ?
Read Elder's Trading for a living, dr Elder is psychiatist, he knows a thing about unconcious contents and trading.
You have all ypur lifetime for a trading, but only one life to live, so don' t vaste it.
Sorry about my English, it' s easy to be lost in translation, but my intentions are good.
Best luck, fairy
Let me share a pdf which illustates about the stages of Trading physcology, we all go through the same phases.
Most important thing to ask is
1- Do you love trading?
2- Do you like the markets and price movements and charting and calling the market etc?
Just like anything else in life, if you do not have bit of passion or love for anything that you are involved in then it wont end in great journey.
Secondly, about life experiences, try to find small things that you love, that motivates you, and look at the bigger picture.
Perspective and emotions attached are all that matters and that is what forms the human experience.
the key to happyness is in your hand, look inward.
I would suggest you tube channel of 'Sadhguru', it has changed lot of lives and the way people think.
Third, about the capital. I have a suggestion.
Use top step trader to hone your skills at the expense of their capital. Youtube series by 'Trades by Matt' will give you everything you need to know.
Instead of burning own capital, it's good to prove yourself and then get funded account. You will get exposure to much bigger capital than the one time fees that you pay.
As for your father as well I would suggest same above things.
Interms of chasing the multi million dollar dream, well dont chase the $$, get the process and emotions right for better trading, $$ is byproduct and side effect of that process.
I wish you and your family nothing but Happyness, health and joy. In the end all it matters is Gratitude, Self awareness and love , joy that you experience and that you sahre with others.
Mindful meditation will immensely help, specifically in Trading business.
Never ever do self beating, if you look at Nature, you would not find any species that would do self sabotage..all life wants is to thrive, bloom ..so learn from the past and move on, everyday is a new day. Trading is just one aspect, once you have solid process money will be side effect, never loose focus from real life.
Good luck.. (and don't hesitate to reach out for help)
Personally, I would take time off from trading(a year may be), regain my good health and explore new life experiences. I would focus on developing skills to lead a well-balanced life and from whence revisit the decision: to trade or not to trade? I think at that stage you will be looking at your life and trading with a different perspective and generating new ideas that will better serve your journey.
zetsurin
redeeming the father is a common trait amongst young men who have seen the failure outright and had to live with this growing up. What makes your situation a little different is that your father was a trader...A fathers job is to show his son how to do certain things in life. No doubt your dad showed you a few good things and in particular different aspects of trading but he could never make it and the whole family suffered as a consequence. Given this is what you have seen and know ie re trading and its dark side you have very good reason to be cautious not to follow in the path of your father.
You seem like a smart fella. you have 30K savings and a long time ahead of you...you might lack some confidence but this comes as you experience more of life...i have found shame to be a great healer...try not to look at it negatively... it simply means there is an expectation (can be high !) that you havnt met...so be gentle on yourself ...
Fathers often get a bad rap when growing up and get projected onto easily as the failure or bad one...be careful here...often it is the mother who carried the undercurrents of instability or trauma. This side of life is difficult to look at as we always protect our mums but they have a part in our lives as well, probably the biggest part.
One of the keys i have found is the more one develops a self the more it feels like something has your back that you can trust...you have this in you, you just dont know it yet but it will come. Some good advice from people here.
For you to grwo it would be a good idea not to identify with your father and the trading part. Why ? well unconsciously you could go down the same path as him excpet today trading is a lot more difficult than it was back in your fathers days for different reasons... remember very few "make it" in this game..many stories that are not good never get told ..
Perhaps one day put part of your money in for long term stock(s) when you "feel" the bottom is in...(subjective i know)
One last piece of advice is not to judge yourself or situation...if you do this then you have cut yourself off from yourself and you will not be operating out of your higher functioning... so be gentle on yourself. Things will work out in the end. My applauding to you for saving 30K !! not easy to do ! hang onto it...
