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Looks like you've just made another important step this week Beth. Its not a wonder that after the work you have put in that the prospect of finally going live and putting it to the test is going to cause you some anxiety. Important goals are loaded with anxiety and they will test our self confidence. We fear failure. However we have to face those fears to get through them. I wonder if the following could be of use to help develop the mind set you are wanting?
Mentally set aside a small amount of your trading capital. I am thinking an amount equivalent to 10 stop outs. Mentally categorize this as pure risk capital, money that you are absolutely certain that you are willing and happy to risk to find out just how well your method and your live execution of it is. This might take some time - that is, to really define this portion of your capital subjectively in this way. You might want to discuss it with your partner, use meditation, imagine this small amount of money and how really inconsequential it is in the larger scheme of things. What I am suggesting is that this exercise can moderate or remove your sense of 'scared money' and allow your confidence based on your your thousands of hours of work to play out. This is about creating an environment where your skill can play out. This is about creating an experience of trading without fear, in full awareness of the risk and in full awareness that the worst case scenario is really not that bad - but the potential reward is a skip to a new level of confidence.
Then when you are certain that you are happy to risk this small sum and you feel like you really want to start this experiment -
Take 10 consequtive trades by your rules. With each trade ( win or loss) remind yourself that each individual trade is quite irrelevant. After each trade prepare for the next reminding yourself that this is a short term experiment that puts only a small portion of your capital at risk. Follow your rules ruthlessley. Then stop and review that block of 10 trades.
How did you feel at the- beginning, middle, end?
Did you execute according to your rules?
Were you able to take the trades in a less anxious state?
The key to this is the subjective 'reallocation' of the small portion of your account you are genuinely happy to risk.
Hope its of some use to you.
If you did this and it went well -what would happen next? Another block of 10, perhaps 20. Another review, and then?
Beth one more thing I thought about today is doing some freelance work from home ( that's what I do from time to time ) using these website to search for some good opportunities in your area .
Thank You .. Thank You .. Lindsay for your kind compliments + mapping out a detailed plan on how to tune up my petite head! (What a coincidence? I spent the past 2 hours writing a few emails to my mentee on how to cope with her daily conflicts of interests at work + tips on her personal growth .. smile ..)
For your kind information: I did (should I say "do") have an amount matching your suggested pure risk capital .. close to 10 stop outs. Yes, I consider it an affordable amount. Your suggested plan (without the detailed methodology outlined by you) has been in my head for weeks. I just missed the 2Cs as pointed out by Jungian and Cory. Like I mentioned in my former post, scary $ and under-capitalized account should no longer be my excuses.
With your guidance (10 blocks maximum or hitting the pure risk capital cap), I am going to perform a review session (beginning - mid - end) at the end. Focus will be on emotion (esp fear level pre, during and post every trade) and trade management. I will think of some emotion labels or I may download the application a member suggested to record the screen and my emotion.
Thanks Soumi! Yes, I used Kijiji and no responses to my applications as of this moment. FYI: Over 90% Cambridge classifieds look for drivers and forklift/hard labor personnel. How much I hope I can manage heavy physical work .. sigh ..
I will check out the Craigslist one. I used it for item sale before. Got lots of junk mails after the first post.
To get prep for our photography session this weekend, UKNOWHO insisted on taking a few test shots in the gym (where I posted hundreds of our dating pics). Sooo, if you have "good" eyes, you may enjoy glimpses of us when we're some months younger LOL - new avatar of 2 smileys!
1. I just downloaded the suggested application (hypercam.com). Will do a test recording when the market opens tonight.
2. I walked through the 10-trade program (with maximum capital risk @40 ticks) with Nelson. He's glad that I now have an action plan to tame my nerves.
3. We have had 2 brainstorming sessions this weekend. Got some initial ideas to map out our motivators on the two vision boards (one in the living room and one in the bedroom).
4. We started taking some fun photos .. not enough to prepare a PhotoShow .. still a few days to go. Want a glimpse ..
I would love to hear some comments from anyone who has previous experience with a Live Trading Room for Forex. If there are actually any Trading Rooms out there that aren't a complete ripoff. Thanks.
1. I did a comprehensive recording on my Short trade. Captured my thoughts on why I entered, why I decided to stay in the trade and got stopped out.
2. When I was occupied with spelling out my thoughts verbally, I realized my fear was substantially reduced even the trade has been against me from millisecond 1.
3. What's wrong with the signal? Unfortunately, it's not set-up related. I entered based on my misunderstanding on the following:
I always thought an inside bar can have its top or bottom matching the previous bar. For the set-up I am using, I got corrected that an inside bar MUST have its top and bottom smaller than the previous bar. This realization is huge as it affects the entry point.
Soooo, -6 for 2 great fixes. I am going to revise my notes capturing them.
Post-Trade Emotion: Surprise surprise .. I don't feel anything. Why? My trading venture has been a self-learning one. It's not classroom where I can raise questions. If I have hiccups here and there .. it's normal. I am not perfect (never will) .. am learning not to beat myself up too much else I will break into millions of pieces .. haha ..
I don't have a set "setup" but I just back from a run in the park and I think I need one. The reason is I often find a reason not to take a trade and end up missing a good one. I'd like to be more consistent.
1. I woke up in the middle of the night. Thought I might get lucky. Bad decision!
2. Spotted real divergence on price while the OB/OS osc had a corresponding down divergence.
3. Entered a Short when there was no valid signal. Price did not break down! Forgot about the entry requirement. Again, human error!
4. Started against me immediately. When it's 1-2 ticks from my SL (I was in a frozen state), I did think if I should expand the existing SL.
5. Chose not to adjust SL as price had not slowed down since my entry.
6. SL got hit!
What I did terribly wrong?
1. Missed the fact that it's not a valid signal. I only realized it after completion of the trade.
2. The OB condition continued after my entry. I failed noticing its hooking up which suggested an early exit.
Emotion-wise:
1. Fear for a few seconds when it's 1-2 ticks from SL.
2. Disappointment on myself!!
3. I recalled losing close to $5K last spring/summer (2009). Our mentor asked us to hold on to some losing ES and option spreads for days/weeks as he opined the extremely OB condition should eventually lead to a substantial fall - never happened. When price continued rising with an OB down divergence, I thought the trade would reverse to my favor. Never happened. At least I resisted the temptation to extend the SL.
What's Next?
If the third trade happens to be a losing one, I may decide to halt the 10-trade program. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Back to zozozo for me now that I finished documenting my unexpected second trade.