Honestly, I love your post. Your self awareness is an incredible asset, in life in general. Not to be unkind but trading is not for everyone. I struggle with trading issues, stop losses, which is a big one. However you have a full plate of challenges. If you cannot quickly adapt and change then trading may be a bit of round peg, square hole sort of thing, it may not fit you. If you can change then wow this is so much bigger and better than trading. It may unlock an incredible life ahead.

If you can succeed with TST rules and risk then (I believe) you can succeed at almost any kind of trading. Even if you do not succeed with TST, you will still be improved from the the experience, and possibly some multi-week swing trading will fit you better, or just work on a career and leave trading behind.

I would wish you success but you already have achieved success in the self awareness. My wish or hope for you is that you point that powerful brain and heart of passion towards what fits you. Intraday trading, swing trading, just investing, or maybe golf and and a good marriage.

Live well, my friend.

Ghappy21 

Honestly, I love your post. Your self awareness is an incredible asset, in life in general. Not to be unkind but trading is not for everyone. I struggle with trading issues, stop losses, which is a big one. However you have a full plate of challenges. If you cannot quickly adapt and change then trading may be a bit of round peg, square hole sort of thing, it may not fit you. If you can change then wow this is so much bigger and better than trading. It may unlock an incredible life ahead. If you can succeed with TST rules and risk then (I believe) you can succeed at almost any kind of trading. Even if you do not succeed with TST, you will still be improved from the the experience, and possibly some multi-week swing trading will fit you better, or just work on a career and leave trading behind. I would wish you success but you already have achieved success in the self awareness. My wish or hope for you is that you point that powerful brain and heart of passion towards what fits you. Intraday trading, swing trading, just investing, or maybe golf and and a good marriage. Live well, my friend.

You know what it痴 funny you say that. I致e been having that existential crisis specifically the past couple days. It痴 mainly because i can稚 quantify or rationalize the market lately like it痴 speaking a different language and i don稚 understand it. But them, days like today it痴 whispering sweet nothings into my ear. It痴 going to be the final equation i have to solve if i want to be successful.

But honestly, i do really appreciate your kind words. And i致e always been someone that when my mind is set, and i知 determined, i知 going to get it done. And that right there may not be compatible with trading as a living. But in general i have decided this is the path i want to take and i知 going to do it.

Your right - Topstep痴 box is the square hole and i知 the round peg. Trading my personal account (mainly swings) i tend to do much better. But i see Topstep as a means to an end and honestly it has by trial and tribulation molded my psyche to be a better trader in the future. Whether or not i stick with them.

What i was lacking even 3-4 months ago was discipline, and even a clear understanding of risk management. And this experience has brought that front and center.

Thanks again.


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08/27 - 08/31:

Alright, been a while.

But I had a buddy in for the weekend so life beckoned.

On Friday i started trading the step 2 account. As Thursday, day 6 I passed step one. I came out unscathed in terms of resets and besides my discipline overall i felt pretty good about it. The only thing that'd annoying is the fact I set myself back a day. More on that in a bit..

But Friday, since i had to head to the airport i only traded half of the day and surprisingly ended the day positive by $500. Unfortunately I neglected to pull the PDF for the journal.

Yesterday, 08/30. Was not a very good day for me.

Bias for the day: leaning bearish

Plan for the day: Try and catch whatever trade arises first as the market was in an odd spot technically. Incredibly overbought and looking weak in structure, i was expecting a retest of the levels that we had taken the Friday prior. I was also expecting a delayed reaction to the taper news, as i saw Friday as possibly a short squeeze and overall just shenanigans. Boy was i wrong.

Risk limit: soft stop $450, max trailing drawdown $1000 hard stop, Profit soft stop $1500

Long story short, i got f*cking run over out the gate trying to fade NQ, and quickly ran up a 1k loss on top of the $500 i had taken the night before. Early day for me, and incredibly frustrating as i saw what was happening as anomolous in general.

Today 08/31:

Bias for the day: bearish

Plan for the day: With the indexes extremely overbought and overextended, in irrational exuberance territory i was looking to play any weakness i could see. And luckily, that came to me early on.

Risk limit: soft stop $450, max trailing drawdown $1000 hard stop, Profit soft stop $1500

So, this is where it gets kind of shitty. Early on in the night i had a couple trades not play out completely, and ended up wrapping it up early. Selling a few levels with limits and heading to hang out with the girlfriend. Now, let me preface this with i have been using Tradingview to trade. Not primarily, but as an extension. And if you've been following, a couple weeks ago i sat down at cash open to see two naked NQ short contracts being taken on a car ride by the index to the tune of a $1200 loss. Well, it happened again. And this time it was enough to hit the daily loss limit, forcing me to reset the account as the Asia/EU session decided to tack on an extra 90 points to the index overnight. This is a personal failure of mine and it's wearing on me. I still have no explanation for how it happened. Both last time and this time, and in my anger and annoyance i had reset the account before thinking to pull the order and position history, so i can't even research it. I used the 50% off coupon for a reset and reset the account. Even though i told myself i wouldn't.

The only silver lining is i noticed this around 2-2:30. And by that time the index was starting to at least level out or trend terminate into a sideways range. I ended up getting filled on a couple contracts as i went to bed and i just let it run. As i got up around 6-7 the EU had just released their inflation data, which was their highest print in over a decade. Needless to say this took the wind out of NQ's sails real quick. and i started the day with a pretty solid gain.

I traded the rest of the morning pretty well as well. But, as we got into the late morning and early afternoon the trade set ups were there, but the entries were not. And NQ did its signature grind from end to end making new highs, either forcing you to manipulate your stops, or taking them with it.

So back to the shitty part again. In my haste trying to position for an inevitable breakdown that never actually came i took... 24 losses.. in a row. Completely blowing the gain that i had accumulated. And this is even after taking walk, and actually a nap with the pup. These slow grind markets literally kill me. And this is my number #1 problem in my opinion. Overtrading, and blowing a solid lead on the day being stubborn trying to catch the next trade.

Regardless, i was playing for a break back down to the lows, but NQ in its infinite wisdom would rather collect my stops.

I finished the day with a $500 or so gain.







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Overall it was a pretty bad day, as i could have walked halfway to my profit target, but my stubbornness won the day again. This is going to be the next priority on the list of things to nip in the bud.

Interesting read. A few thoughts:
1) I find trading right at the open to be very difficult and has trigger some of my worst trades.
2) Having a bias and plan is great. Having too strong a bias is a trap.
3) Going against an "overbought" market...well the road to Hell is paved with that model.
4) In the recent 10+ years, there are Bulls with big houses. There are Bears with big opinions :-). I am a reformed Bear that is trying to be an agnostic Chipmunk, willing to shift and shift and shift again, to pick up those acorns.

One last thing. Notice how one of your best days, was a day in which you had to limit your trade time?...just sayin'...there is something in that.

Thank you for sharing, and your transparency.

Dear Merkd1904, You wrote "And i致e always been someone that when my mind is set, and i知 determined, i知 going to get it done. And that right there may not be compatible with trading as a living. But in general i have decided this is the path i want to take and i知 going to do it."

I admire the conviction. I explore some things. I try some things. A few things, I make that sort of convicted commitment. It works. One needs to make sure you really want it. As for trading you do, and I did (and do) as well. The "What Ever It Takes.." quickly leads into "so what does it take" I will bet on one person with passion and commitment over 10 people with interest.

Keep some notes. One day you may be telling your story to large audiences.

Ghappy21 

Interesting read. A few thoughts: 1) I find trading right at the open to be very difficult and has trigger some of my worst trades. 2) Having a bias and plan is great. Having too strong a bias is a trap. 3) Going against an "overbought" market...well the road to Hell is paved with that model. 4) In the recent 10+ years, there are Bulls with big houses. There are Bears with big opinions :-). I am a reformed Bear that is trying to be an agnostic Chipmunk, willing to shift and shift and shift again, to pick up those acorns. One last thing. Notice how one of your best days, was a day in which you had to limit your trade time?...just sayin'...there is something in that. Thank you for sharing, and your transparency.

1-4 all great points. And they're things that are being brought to light just by me putting pen to paper.

The bearish bias i honestly can't seem to shake. I've been trading well over 5 years and i was bearish even before COVID. And the irony, i actually went long after 10% on the COVID drop and blew out an account. So, it's something i'm well aware of at this point and it's something i try very hard to not interfere with my day to day trading. In my own personal account with some long dated put/call spreads (what i call an anchor position), sure. But i'm not naive to think that the market needs to sell just because i want it to. But, it's like a reflex almost. Whenever i see a chart with parabola i have to fight the urge to try and fade it. In today's market you have to admit that we are at ludicrous speed in terms of extension, not just overbought. And that brings me to a side point.

I love fading markets. It's literally what i consider my bread and butter. It's almost the instant gratification of elevator down that gets me i think. But again, i TRY, key word try, to not let that define my trading, it's just a bias, not a charter.

As far as trading at the open it's funny. Because i'm about 50/50 on it. And everyone i've spoken to that has some season in their beard tell me the same thing. It's something I probably need to shake as well.

And to your one last thing. You're right. The data shows it, i just need to trust the data absolutely.

As for your second post i really do appreciate it man. I'm working on it. Thanks for the support.

09/01 - A new month

And if i get my way hopefully a volatile one.

Bias for the day: bearish

Having the diamond top pattern yesterday and extending it overnight and seeing what in my opinion was distribution i was looking for weakness yet again.

Plan for the day: exploit weakness. Try and catch a top at resistance or a pivot and ride it for everything it's worth.

Risk limit: soft stop $450, max trailing drawdown $1000 hard stop, Profit soft stop $1500


Alright, so overnight i had set limits again only for them to get ran through so i was already in kind of a tight spot at open. But, being more confident in price action i was determined and... promptly got ran over again at open. A couple of those limits i had overnight had gotten hit, and just missed my take profits by about 5-10 ticks which was frustrating and when we were about to open in NQ there was a textbook double top, but the ADP numbers gave some fuel to the buyers and i wore the first initial push. But, in my defense i did actually catch the trend on one trade. So it wasn't completely derp derp. But still, it was bad.

I was in a position in ES literally from like 5 AM almost to close and by the time i clicked in two more contracts in NQ i had noticed my drawdown and quickly pulled away from the computer. I was going to let these positions ride and that was that. I had typed in "I'm done for the day" at 9:51.

Well, as it turned out those three contracts were my one mulligan. I'm honestly chalking it up more to luck than anything. But i caught a decent entry in both indexes and those three contracts (plus a few others i got back into on pullbacks) brought my back positive by about $2450.00. Max run up was $4750.20, max drawdown (after having a few wins overnight) was $2389.15 by the time i had looked down at my P/L. Profit on the day was $2318.10 after commissions and fees.




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@Merkd1904

Thank you for being so transparent and posting your thoughts, travails, successes and trades.

I reviewed a couple of the days you posted, 8/25 and 8/31, and have a couple of questions. First, you have some good gainers, and 95% trades are bearish.

1) On 8/25 NQ was Sold at 4:19am. Also later in the listing it is shown a 2nd contract was sold for a similar price at the same time. What is up with the the printouts, as they say you waited over 5 hours, and in looking at the charts, you were up 51 points; and then you waited and at 7 minutes after open you covered them for a loss. Can you explain this report or the thinking? What's wrong with 50 points?

2) on 8/25 at 11:17:40 you sold NQ near the top of the range, price went down for 10 points favorable, and you waited half an hour and closed with a loss. For being in a range why not buy at the bottom? Or even anywhere else? Or is this some weird reporting and sell/buy matching your reports is showing?

Thank you for considering these questions.

ETA: I am interested to see your 9/06 trade as IF you sold at 2am or 3am you might have had a very good day.

atrade 

@Merkd1904 Thank you for being so transparent and posting your thoughts, travails, successes and trades. I reviewed a couple of the days you posted, 8/25 and 8/31, and have a couple of questions. First, you have some good gainers, and 95% trades are bearish. 1) On 8/25 NQ was Sold at 4:19am. Also later in the listing it is shown a 2nd contract was sold for a similar price at the same time. What is up with the the printouts, as they say you waited over 5 hours, and in looking at the charts, you were up 51 points; and then you waited and at 7 minutes after open you covered them for a loss. Can you explain this report or the thinking? What's wrong with 50 points? 2) on 8/25 at 11:17:40 you sold NQ near the top of the range, price went down for 10 points favorable, and you waited half an hour and closed with a loss. For being in a range why not buy at the bottom? Or even anywhere else? Or is this some weird reporting and sell/buy matching your reports is showing? Thank you for considering these questions.

I知 walking the dog and then sitting down to journal the last three sessions. I値l dig into the spreadsheets to confirm accuracy but the data痴 most likely correct. If so i値l break down my rational.


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Great.

Not sure you would see my edit:

ETA: I am interested to see your 9/06 trade as IF you sold at 2am or 3am you might have had a very good day.